I’m Depressed. I Know I’m Depressed.

From the things I do; and the things I don’t do. Maybe it’s the new medication. I just don’t know. I’ll stand in the middle of the living room looking around and thinking of all the things I need to do; and all the things I want to do. Then go and sit on my ass and “play” on my computer. My “outlook” is even depressed. I have and idea for something to do and don’t do anything. Even though I’ve had “exciting” days, I don’t really want another one. Or two. But sometimes my life seems so Mundane.

Obama Misses 60% Of His Intelligence Briefings.

I get up in the morning and do all my “usual” shit. Get my “usual” chores done. Then it’s, like, 0900 or so. Time to shower. Then eat breakfast. Then keep myself busy for another day.

Maybe I’m just bored instead of depressed. But I don’t think so. I know Depression, having suffered it since about age 10. And being clinically diagnosed as having depression. Or maybe it’s because I’m Retired and haven’t made myself a plan yet? I don’t know. Could it be because I haven’t put sugar in my coffee in over a week? (Started using honey as I’ve documented before.)

The Government Always Makes It *Look* Good!

And my “self talk” just isn’t working today.

Anywho, enough of that. Hell, I’m boring myself! Pretty much a “normal” day for me today. Didn’t get outside too much as it’s partially cloudy and cool. But when the sun does come out it feels really nice. Took the Dog for a walk. Made a run to the Post Office to pick up my new antenna. Made myself a couple of pieces of tilapia fried in butter & lemon juice, and some home grown peas and maters for dinner.

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MCARC 10-meter Chat Net @ 1930 tonight. Wish I had time to get my new antenna up. (But I need the tennis ball gun to do that.)

Sure wouldn’t mind winning the Lotto tonight!

Wow! Another Monday! Again. Already.

And it’s half-assed wet outside. Had to make a run to the Naval Hospital to turn in that monitor thingie I had to wear while sleeping Saturday night. Kinda half way misting before the rain that’s supposed to show up this afternoon. Guess I’m not mowing the lawn today! Or doing much of anything else outside.

Me

Was scanning some of my old negatives and found this. Probably the best picture ever taken of me. Man, that was a long time ago. My (Future)-Ex (at the time) and I posed in one of those oldie photo’s at Knox Berry Farm or someplace. Who knows. (Yeah, I obviously cut her out.)

Did get out just long enough to pick some maters that were turning pink. Have since watched it go from a light misting to rain to just wet outside. Ugh.

Took my medication on an empty stomach this morning, when I got back from the Naval Hospital, and I’ve been kind of groggy/unmotivated most of the day. Ever stand in a room looking around and wonder where you were going to start? I have. Several times today. It’s almost a case of too much I want to do but not enough motivation to get started someplace. IF I can figure out where I want to start.

rivere

Been “Vaping” for the past couple of years. Helped me quit smoking. Usually stick to the tobacco flavors. Lately it just doesn’t seem to be working as well. Danged Atomizers don’t last long enough (though they are still cheaper than smokes) and just don’t seem to produce enough vaper or “throat hit.” I’m really getting kind of disillusioned with it all. Not enough to go back to smoking; that was a 40+ year ride I was glad to get off of. Damn This Addictive Personality Anyway!

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Dang! Was just looking up a friend on QRZ and found out he died last June! Bill Parfitt (K7CZ) and I used to run the dBored BBS down in San Diego a LONG time ago. Hadn’t really contacted him since we left San Diego until last year when I looked up a call sign on a picture in Easypal and it turned out to be him.

So I immediately went and looked up the –Ex’s call…

For some reason I had to go pick SWMBO up tonight. That’s okay though cause I do not mind. I like being with her and help her where I can. She’s my schweetie!